Friday, August 29, 2003
Get the hell off'a my lawn, you whelps!
Every year Beloit College publishes The Mindset List" to demonstrate the set of referents available to that year's entering students. It is useful to keep in mind the significantly different intellectual framework of someone when you're tying to make a point. That's why kids wander off -- half of what we say goes so far over their heads it don't even make a breeze. In this ageist culture, I was kinda surprised at my first reaction: These poor little kids don't know nuttin'! How rich I feel today. How far up the list do *you* go?They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan era and probably did not know he had ever been shot. [they don't know why scandals are called "whatever-Gate"] [they think Deep Throat is porn] They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged. There has been only one pope in their lifetime. They were 10 when the Soviet Union broke apart and do not remember the Cold War. [much less "Duck and Cover"] [or have the mind's eye picture of a mushroom cloud]
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up on takeoff. [or a time before anyone had walked on the Moon. or before anyone had left Earth.] Tiananmen Square means nothing to them. [nor the "Little Red Book"] Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic. [church-key?] Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums. The statement "You sound like a broken record" means nothing to them. They have never owned [seen?] a record player.
They have likely never played Pac Man and have never heard of Pong. [or Ms Pac-Man] They may have never heard of an 8-track tape. The compact disc was introduced when they were 1 year old. They have always had an answering machine. Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black and white TV. [or, in the country, 3 channels] They have always had cable.
There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea what Beta was. [or why that's a dam shame] They cannot fathom not having a remote control. They don't know what a cloth baby diaper is or know about the "Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!" commercial. [nor can they sing J - E - L - L - O ! !] They were born the year that Walkman was introduced by Sony. [reel to reel?!] Roller skating has always meant inline for them. [a key?]
Michael Jackson has always been white. Jay Leno has always been on "The Tonight Show." [so that line in The Shining makes no sense] They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool. [ok. neither do I] Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave. They have never seen Larry Bird play.
They never took a swim and thought about "Jaws." [or tried to take a shower with the curtain open] The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as World War I, World War II, and the Civil War. [as are love beads] [and a VW bug with flowers looks as old as a Packard with running boards] They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran. [and lack those visual images] They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are. They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard: "Where's the beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel," or "De plane, de plane!" [or "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!"] [they don't know "Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah"] They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. was. Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are places, not bands. There has always been MTV. They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter. [why is that button marked "return?" Return to where?]
What else did the list miss?
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{/if}
