e-Claire

"We don't make no goddam money; but we sure have a helluva lotta fun!"

Didja Know? Ahhnold is 56 years old? [ok, ok, ok, I know it's time to learn how to spell his last name... Schvartze... no, Seltzah... noo, Schwantz.... nooo, Schwarze-bustamontegoof... noooo, Schwarzenegger! That's it. Scchwarzenegger -- damn!] California Fun Fact #318: The first 7 letters of "candidate" spell "candida!" Who've we got gunnin' to fill Greyge Davis' itty bitty shoes: Ahhnold [See-above]: immigrant Austrian farm boy who made good. Real good. Has business sense, self discipline, and is evidencing a sprightly sense of humor... Larry Flint: Hand me the hat he threw in the ring cuz I'm gonna donate my lunch. Good at easy businesses, cum-sucking bottom feeder -- oughta fit right in. Arianna Huffington: [Why does she talk like a Gabor sister when she's actually Greek?] Hates it when people drive big cars. Is driven to speeches in a limousine... Ought fit right in. Angelyne "just Angelyne": [gotta go look this one up...brb] Has a Tour Business?!? Extra-ed in Malibu Beach Vampires and Hardcase and Fist oh, ewww. Has someone to help her with lots and lots of double entendres. Oughta fit right in... Cruz Bustamante: One of the gang. Already fits right in. Needs a case of duck tape, though, for that long campaign trail... Gary Coleman: *sigh* Get a life, kid. Hell, get a clue! There are *no* leading man roles for old, cheeky short fellas -- no matter how much publicity you get. Your career is over. hmm... oughta fit right in. Jack Grisham: [of T.S.O.L - punk band] Can't get health insurance; in favor of legalizing and taxing pot and hookers; key phrase - "Fuck the Government"; used to be a punk -- ought to fit right in. Peter Camejo: born in Queens, NY; MIT and Cal grad; 1976 socialist Workers Party presidential candidate --- oughta fit right in. John Garamendi: Cal and Haahvad; put insurance in CA back on a fairly even keel; wants a Universal Health Care Plan -- oughta fit right in. Bill Simon: from NJ; named a daughter "Lulu"; lawyer; still in debt from primary run [9.5M]; spent $30M to be defeated by Greyge Davis -- what a maroon. Peter Uberroth: Sports guy; Time mag's Man of the Year for the '84 Olympics; a player -- oughta fit right in. Gail Zappa: self-proclaimed "big mouth" who apparently says nothing; oughta fit right in. Todd Lewis: plays the "Bum Hunter" stalking and tying up random homeless people in a series of raunchy videos; [...uh, ewww] -- oughta fit right in. Cristobal Emilio Buroga Franco: reported age 22 "in Hollywood years"; is latino; plans to keep his candidacy from his mother -- oughta fit right in. Vincent Pallaver: 24; hardware geek from Silly Silicon Valley; has a mouthpiece named "Mark Smith" to whom he refers all questions; lists his qualification[s] as "a young guy" and "not a porn star" -- oughta fit right in. Iris Adams: ran in 2002; thinks the recall is "disruptive" and will take advantage of that to run herself; oughta fit right in. Gallagher: hits watermelons with sledge hammers for no apparent reason -- oughta fit right in.

See where I'm going with this?

UPDATE: FLASH! Breaking Story HERE: one last candidate to register! Great job of digging up the facts! UPDATE: Giramendi "not" forced out by Bustamante envious Demo.s [ThanQ! Xrlq]

1. Also, Cruz Bustamante would be the first Hispanic California governor in 156 years.

   As for Arnold’s sense of humor, those one-liners from his films are already wearing thin. If I hear him say “Hasta la vista, baby” or “I’ll be back” one more time, I’ll puke… errrp… errrp… errrp… sorry I just heard him on the TV.

   And, why aren’t there any high-profile gay candidates? You’d think there would be at least one running on a gay marriage platform.

   Posted by  on  08/09/03  at  10:31 AM

2. Too true—Ahhnold is wearing those out.  Must be his attempt to identify with his movie rolls in the public’s mind.  Gotta admit that the prospect of someone who can save the world in less than 90 minutes is appealing —in a mythic, archetypal kinda way . . .

   And dammit, you’re right!  We’re owed at least one drag queen!  If not a serious gay candidate…

   Posted by Claire  on  08/09/03  at  10:39 AM

3. Garamendi dropped out.

   Posted by Xrlq  on  08/11/03  at  02:01 AM

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