PolySci 101
Lee Rogers explains political science to us all: YOU HAVE TWO COWS: LIBERAL You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Instead of giving your neighbor one of your cows, you write to your congressman, demanding that he pass legislation for more government programs to help your neighbor get a cow. You hold a concert to raise awareness for the cow-lessness, Barbara Streisand sings for the cow-less, who couldn't attend the concert because ticket prices are so expensive the only people with 3 or 4 cows can afford to attend. You wear a ribbon that signifies that you care about cowless people. CONSERVATIVE You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? CALIFORNIAN You have a cow and a bull. The bull is depressed. It has spent its life living a lie. It goes away for two weeks. It comes back after a taxpayer-paid, sex-change operation. You now have two cows. One makes milk, the other doesn't. You try to sell the transgender cow. Its lawyer sues you for discrimination. You lose in court. You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages. You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk producing cow. You change your business from a dairy farm to a beef farm. PETA pickets your farm. Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway. Cruz Bustamente calls for higher taxes to help "working cows". Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7th of your farm, "for the children". Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico. The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats. You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations. The cow starves to death. The L.A. Times analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault
Posted by Claire on 07/28 at 12:50 PM
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