e-Claire

Mrs Grundy Visits Blogland

a tale from the future It's a lovely day in the blogosphere and Mrs Grundy is out and about looking for good, decent little boys and girls. Today she has come to visit the blogosphere because she has already scared, and fined, the poopies disobedience out of everyone in the "real" media. Riding high on her successes, Mrs Grundy has baked a batch of her "Killer Sugar Cookies" -- made without any wheat, eggs, sugar, vanilla or distracting flavors of any kind. She gives a cookie to each little girl and boy she meets. Only the girls and boys who can choke one all the way down will be considered good-little-girls-and-boys who may continue to speak out loud. Here comes Mrs Grundy down the blogosphere link-path, striding along in her sensible grey shoes, her full grey over-dress swirling modestly about her ankles and her grey hair tightly curled against the pink scalp peeking out from under. Let's listen in: "Argghhh!!! Now, what does that mean?" she asks herself. "Sounds like an animal noise. That isn't decent." And quick a a wink she slips her Silence Stick [ a reverse engineered cross between the mythical Talking Stick and the Clue Bat of ancient lore] out from under he full length grey cloak and ZAP! Argghhh!!! is gone -- archives and all. "A Small Victory?" she mutters to herself. "Why that sounds charming. Let's go offer her a cookie." *click* "Oh! A 'little dead girl??' That's awful! Far too dangerous to let a child see. And look at that music she listens to -- and those movies!" And ZAP! Gone. "Now here's a nice little girl who recognizes the Ecological Danger of improper municipal planning. What a pretty site. Oh! Look at those pictures!! Indecent!! Look at her!!! She's strong! That will never do!" ZAP! "This is a little girl who must be writing about proper nursery rhymes in the kitchen; Cheese something... Oh! Making fun of the challenged!! Inappropriate! And overindulging in unhealthful snacks!! Bad role modeling!" ZAP! Brushing off her hands, Mrs Grundy proceeds along the link-path, a slight frown creasing her brow. "Well! Anti-Idiotarian Rotweiler, indeed. We can't have that -- Rotweilers smell and are far too dangerous to play with nice children." ZAP! "And isn't Babalu that indecent Latin dancing?!" ZAP! "The Paratrooper of what?!? Citizen Who?!?!? Nasty! Violent!" ZAP! ZAP! Skepticism?? Venom?!! Swearing!! Bodily Fluids!!!! Bodily Solids!!!!! and Oh MY STARS!!!!!!! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! "This blogosphere is an awful place -- filled with ideas, and challenges and bad words and (I feel faint) s.e.x.. This. Must. Be. Stopped." Mrs Grundy gave a mighty thrust of her Silence Stick and

ZAP!!!

silence.

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