Hey! Hey! the big-boned gal
ain’t no doubt she’s a ... erm.... well..
Big-boned Cindy blew into town a weekend ago with a force the Natives had not seen since the Smallpox Decimation.
And when word got out that Big Cindy was here to audition for the role of the Indian with the single tear drop in yet another revival of the 1970s eco-correct “Keep America Beautiful” TV commercial, the crowd that had gathered at the Vancouver Art Gallery to protest on behalf of Natives back east in Caledonia, went into utter disarray.
But American protester Cindy Sheehan had become famous for well-honed moments of tears, ... The unknowable ContraMerica Media Ltd. behind the latest revival of the now classic Tear-Drop Indian public service announcement said Big Cindy was a logical choice for the piece.
...“Forget that CaledoniCrap!” one Native alert after another said. “They tryin’ to take Lone-Tear Indian from us.”
The lovely liberal librarian was never more impressed with such quick learners – “right from the get-go,” she said. “Beautiful beginners,” she called them, making sure not to say “Aboriginal,” which actually means “from the beginning.”
Big bad Cindy too, nailed her mark from the get-go. Her Vancouver Sun photo, with that single tear dramatically bobbing off her robust cheeks, then remarkably drooling back down her spectacular giraffe neck, was such that the Province, the Sun’s cousin-rival in that industrial incest known as CanWest Publications, simply reprinted the same photo – in colour.
As we go to press, however, the only snag that had emerged in terms of the actual shoot of the PSA was that Big Cindy was asking that the “Keep America Beautiful” slogan be changed to “America Too-Ugly,” at least till President Bush leaves the White House.
...further musings from her somewhat to the effect that, “I do not support your government’s support of my President’s support of war-mongering,” leading her to conclude that “the war on terror is a terror against the world.”
You see, Big Cindy’s a poet-philosopher now. So, of course, 24 hours didn’t ask her if terrorists are real or political phantoms curiously capable of killing.
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