Saturday, May 22, 2004
The Council Has Spoken ! ! !
This week's winners are: A Splash of Cold Water by The Smarter Cop, and Not in My City by Iraq the Model Full results of the vote are over at The Watcher's, along with week's entries! Lots of good reading: Go See . . . Spambots: byte hot bits and die!! [Thanx, Watcher!]Friday, May 21, 2004
Speaking of "Dumbass" . . .
When I was in high school, besides the dinosaurs pounding the earth, the State decided that we all oughta pass a standardized test in Civics. Oughta understand how government works and all that. Good idea. I learned. There was this young, cute new teacher - Villalobos. Verra, verry sexy to a bunch of adolescing females. And, being the newbie, it fell to him to teach this class. What did he do? He impressed upon us impressionable chill'en that the funding for the school was at stake - not to mention his job - and that we had better pay close attention and get this material right. Firm. mmmm. Then, he handed out copies of the standardized test with the answers filled in and said, "When you can pass this, you can leave class." *sound of wind in empty room* We all did pass the Test - because it was a semester-long, take-home [or take-Denny's, actually], open book [pre-printed answer] "test." I still have no idea what it was that we "studied," but I learned a great deal about how the State "works" that semester. Everything old is new again:More than 200 California teachers have been investigated for helping students cheat on standardized tests since a statewide exam program began five years ago, according to a newspaper report.
It's the "no child left behind - no teacher left employed" law.
Woo Hoo! Lit'rachur!
geddit while it's hot ThanQ! to James at Eleven Day Empire, I again have my moist little mittens on a copy of Larry Niven's Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex! As you can tell, I highly recommend it.CA Legislature Decrees CA Parents Superfluous [again]
Assembly passed a bill by Assemblyman Joe Nation, D-San Rafael... AB2193, which passed 42-26 and heads to the Senate, [the bill] bans minors from the tanning booths with ultraviolet rays -- ...Under existing law, children age 14-18 may use tanning salons only with parents' written consent.
Ok - as it stands today, parents decide whether or not their children may tan in salons. Joe Nation, [tell me that pretty-boy doesn't tan...] and 42 out of 68 Assemblysocialistsnannies have now decided that you are too stoo-pud to make that choice for your children and that they, knowing better about everything as we know they do, will henceforth make this choice for you.
Now, aren't you grateful, dumbass? Maybe next week, they'll legislate what your children can eat. And watch. And read. ...oh, they already do that...
Crunk, Yo, He Be Come Corek
... he said. "I can't even talk the way these people talk: 'Why you ain't.' 'Where you is.' ... And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk. And then I heard the father talk. ... Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. ...""These people marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education, and now we've got these knuckleheads walking around. "Ladies and gentlemen, the lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal," he said Monday night. "These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids - $500 sneakers for what? "And they won't spend $200 for 'Hooked on Phonics.' ... "They're standing on the corner and they can't speak English," he said. "I can't even talk the way these people talk: 'Why you ain't.' 'Where you is.' ... And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk. And then I heard the father talk. ... Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. ... You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth!" ...[imprisoned blacks] are not political criminals," he said. "These are people going around stealing Coca-Cola. People getting shot in the back of the head over a piece of pound cake and then we run out and we are outraged, [saying] 'The cops shouldn't have shot him.' What the hell was he doing with the pound cake in his hand?"
I give you Dr Bill Cosby on the occasion of the NAACP celebration dinner of the anniversary of Brown vs Board of Education. UPDATE: Added the first sentence of the quote above... Isn't it amazing how difficult it is to find the text of this much-discussed speech?!? Have you looked? I wonder what could possibly be going on here...
Your Friday Treat!
"Mikey felt sooo good with all the praise at Cannes -- until he ran into that bitch Alexandra..."
ThanQ! Mr K... I think
UPDATE: For soothing relief, please see Irrigating Moore
Got the runs from the border . . .
Here's a contest we all oughta enter: "Share your Saucy Wisdom" at TacoBell® If your pithy saying is chosen it will be on over 5 billion sauce packets distributed on TB® "restaurants" nationwide. Kewl! Spread your smart-assery! Share your wisdom! Here are some examples:* Use your stomach, nacho mind [clever, eh?] * Polly want a taco? [needs work...]
But you get the idea. Got ideas? Here are the rules -- your phrase has to be:
A TB® "inspired" phrase that "provides a humorous look at reality." No longer than 70 characters. [fits on a sauce packet...] Simple "left of center" about the little things in life
Whoa -- back that truck up. "left of center"??!?! A political requirement for a taco sauce packet??? Oh we gotta bomb 'em. Let me know what phrase you submit to TacoBull®
Move along, nothing new here . . .
Which Enemy of the Christian Church Are You?
Take More of Robert & Tim's Quizzes
Watch Robert & Tim's Cartoons
ThaanQ! Mr Tepper UPDATE: Amazing how much that looks like me -- especially the Kim Jong Ill hairdo...
Thursday, May 20, 2004
Oh. Mah. Gootness.
Hey, Toto - I don't think we're on the Good Ship Lollypop anymore... I just watched Mr Rather[not] describe Iranian efforts to fund insurgents in Iraq and create trouble "in order to distract America from its nuclear program." Either Mrs Rather's gotta start buyin' him bigger thongs or it reaaally cost him to say that. PoorOk - I'm cornfuzed . . .
Now that MT is changing -- do we all have to stop using it? What am I missing about this whole panic?*applause*
The L T makes Art: his news and views as haikus. Top that, Jennings. heh.Haalp!!
Anybody else having trouble with comments?? ...er, please leave a .... well, give it a shot and if it doesn't work, I would greatly appreciate it if you would email me. [me at my domain dot us] [this *couldn't* have anything to do with the recent MT flap - could it?? I paid for this version and they're not gonna take that away from us, are they? It's just the upgrade to 3.0 that is ...uh, controversial, right?]Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Answer Me This:
Should people be penalized for causing harm -- or for doing something that might possibly, in some cases, cause harm. Maybe. Should people be penalized for causing harm -- or for doing something that might possibly, in some cases, cause harm. Maybe. Kevin Murray [D] wants cops to stop vehicles that are driving unsafely. [let's check . . . yep, there is already a perfectly tgood law against that.]Sen. Tom McClintock, R-Northridge, [responds] "This bill makes it a crime to drive while driving," he said. "This is a bill the Legislature will rue the day it takes effect."
Deborah Bowen [guess] wants to ban teenagers from driving while talking on the phone. Why not ban teenagers all together? They're essentially distractions on feet, anyway. What else will we have to make illegal in the car? *fights with one's mate *thinking about earlier fights with one's mate *thinking about coming fights with one's mate *mothers-in-law; driving, thinking about, listening to -- everything *coffee *lattes - double fine *sodas *water *thinking about that moron who works next to you *fathers-in-law; see above *talk radio *Air America - triple fine *music radio *bad "music" coming from other cars *rap - just in general *cops driving by *cops in the rear view mirror *cops parked at the side of the road *road-side fruit stands *hunger *thirst *CDs *tapes *bees coming in the window *thinking about how to pull that guy who just cut you off out through his wing window and beat the crap outta him *thinking about why they don't put wing windows in cars anymore since they were really cool *eating in the car *indigestion from eating in the car **having to pee real bad while in the car *kids who hafta pee real bad *kids in general who aren't actually duck taped to the back seat *little yappy dogs - just on general principles *big drooly dogs *nice scenery outside the car *nice scenery inside other cars *nice scenery inside your car *bugs hitting the windshield *birds hitting the windshield *bears hitting the windshield [I actually heard about this -- friend of a friend of a friend kind-o'-deal] *ugly scenery outside the car *ugly scenery inside other cars *ugly cars *bright sun *twilight *oncoming headlights *headlights in the rear view mirror *headlights in the side mirrors *night *little animals running out in front of the car *big animals running out in front of the car *kids running out in front of the car *pedestrians running out in front of the car **bicycles falling over in front of the car **bicycles looking like they're gonna fall over in front of the car *pedestrians looking like they're gonna fall over in front of the car ach - I'm exhausted. Wait! *exhaustion *annoyance *crankiness *happiness *enjoyment *titillation *curiosity *jocularity *any feeling whatsoever *any thought whatsoever [which seems all too common anyway] 'Course if we treat these illegal acts with all the seriousness we treat illegal aliens, dancing the Lindy while stripping off your clothes while fighting off little green men and reciting the Gettysberg Address while looking up your old address and whistling "Dixie" while driving won't be a problem...
Gulianni Hits the Nail *BANG*
"Our enemy is not each other, but the terrorists who attacked us." Former New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani
Thank You. Hey! "9-11 Commission," try keepin' your eye on that ball.
Who Said?
Was it Mark Twain who said, "Some people deserve to be offended."Statistics
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{/if}
